So, I’m back to blogging. Writing for me, long form. And sharing it with those of you who make it a habit to stop by or just pop in occasionally. It’s been fun, sitting down and just pecking away. Being all introspective and letting it flow out of my fingertips.
I’m glad you’re here.
But I realize that blogging is evolving. No longer is it about just typing on a screen some meandering bullshit and hitting publish. If you want to gain readers and make an impact, you have to do it differently these days.
My friend Neil Kramer of Citizen of the Month recently addressed this in his excellent post titled “The Five Ways To Make Yourself Interesting Online.” It’s a “somewhat serious” look at how we as bloggers and writers and online social types can influence others with our own personal stories. A great, short read. And he wraps it up with his own brainstormed, coffee-induced list of things that will help us stand out. Let’s see how I stack up . . .
1) Say something interesting.
My dogs lick their butts. Sometimes, they lick each other’s butts. In fact, as I type this, they are sitting at my feet doing this very thing. They might have fleas, but even as they die off, they’re going to keep licking their butts. Butt licking is noisy and gross to watch, so I just ignore them or yell at them to take it to their kennels. Because no one wants to see that, you ignorant beasts.
2) Do something interesting.
I once drank a whole gallon of Nestlé Nesquik Chocolate Milk in less than an hour. I worked in radio at the time and did it as an inner-office publicity stunt because someone said it couldn’t be done. Too sweet. Too much fat. Or some such nonsense. So I did it. And then . . . well, the bathroom was never really the same after that. Good thing we had a toilet and a garbage can. That’s all I have to say about that.
3) Have something interesting happen to you.
Neil warns that sounding like a victim for too long is bad, so I won’t bring up smoking or my weight loss surgery. I did once get my unibrow waxed. Took pictures and everything. (I just sat here for five minutes, racking my brain, trying to think of something else to add, but I’ve got nothing. I also took an additional five minutes to Google whether I should have used “racking” or “wracking” in that last sentence. Turns out I got it right. Perhaps all this overthinking and fiddle-farting explains why nothing interesting ever happens to me.)
4) Look Interesting.
5) Become friends with interesting people.
Well . . . there is this one guy. He and I had breakfast just this morning at the IHOP. But the stuff we talk about would be boring to you. Stuff like God and building a deck and Jeff Gordon and how he hates Obama but he’s not a racist. Online, I’m friends with:
. . . someone who makes government spy equipment,
. . . a couple former members of Christian rock bands who are now atheists,
. . . a bunch of amateur photographers,
. . . a cartoonist,
. . . several people who are still in Christian rock bands,
. . . a bartender,
. . . a plethora of old classmates who are amazed I’m still just as dumb as I was back then,
. . . an assortment of authors who make money selling books about dead girls and divorce and living with the Mormons, among other things,
. . . a former colleague with a pet rabbit,
. . . and someone who was a ranking officer on a nuclear submarine.
And a fine collection of other Regular Joes. But we don’t hang out much.
In sum? I’m sort of boring. But I do make a mean pancake.
How am I doing, Neil . . .