To Wit . . . er

Wit . . .

3a. The ability to perceive and express in an ingeniously humorous manner the relationship between seemingly incongruous or disparate things.

3b. One noted for this ability, especially one skilled in repartee.

Also . . .

3c. A skill Brian @ The Cheek of God lacks.

See? I cannot even come up with a witty way to say I’m not witty.

All this has been confirmed for me thanks to Twitter. Consider this recent tweet by yours truly . . .

Because, you know, like, in that movie The Shining? Where the family gets snowed in? And the guy goes bananas with the pick axe?

Yeah. I know. Lame. Maybe not so much because of the content, or my intention, but more because of the way I wrote it. There’s no punch. No pizzazz. Nary an ingenious syllable in sight. I wouldn’t even give myself an A for effort.

So, sorry to disappoint you, Dear Tweaker, but I am not witty. I recently admitted as such . . .

. . . and at least one person joined me in my self-deprecation.

She is far wittier than me, you can trust me on that. And so are all of these fine people, whose recent tweets had me . . . er . . . ROFLMAO:

I can’t complete with all that, tweople. Not only are these some very witty and comical tweets, IMHO, but there is NO way I could ever reply in any sort of equally witty manner. I tried to reply to this . . .

. . . and failed horribly:

I screwed up the emoticon. Damn tiny buttons on my BlackBerry. And besides? It’s . . . lame. See, my son is taking German, and I asked him to translate it for me. Which he did. And we laughed. And he said he was going to take it in to class the next day and ask for extra credit. And maybe get a laugh. And . . .

See? That’s the problem. Most of my replies have to be qualified. Or lack context. All impossible to provide with only 140 characters. I’m long winded that way. And . . . well, I’m just not that funny.

Here’s an illustration of why I don’t generally reply to witty tweets, courtesy of @realdadshangout:

Mike is a great guy. Loves to laugh at himself. And he was kind enough to let me include this little exchange to illustrate my point. Unlike Mike, I would need a mulligan every time.

(Lame . . .)

So, I’m trying to fix the problem subliminally . . .

I give up. Even this post is lame. The very definition of NOT witty. So carry on without me, internets . . .

(Special thanks to these fine folks. If you’re on Twitter, do yourself a favor and follow them all: @realdadshangout, @OutnumberedisMe, @BinaryDad, @PetCobra, @JettSuperior, @jurgen_nation, @prayingtodarwin, @redneckmommy, @MartinFitz, @mommywantsvodka, @DebJorge, @MyBottlesUp, @theGoatandTater, @zanger, @uhura13)

P. S.

I did find at least one person who thought I was funny:

She’ll get over it soon, I’m sure . . .


19 thoughts on “To Wit . . . er

  1. OH! I thought you meant a “Shine” moment, like you were going to act all manic and play the piano.

  2. your avatar is funny. and i like you. thanks for showcasing my dog’s boner.

  3. Oh come on! You’re just an artist who works best in a longer format. Like the blog post.

  4. what is it about twitter that immediately and heartlessly sucks the witty out of me? i find myself wanting to tweet things like the following:

    it’s 29 degrees here. brrrr.

    i need coffee.

    my kids are driving me insane.

    etc. etc. etc.

    i’m like a deer in the twitter headlights. wait, i have to go tweet that…..

  5. Thanks for including me in the “Bombs and Flubs” section! I am glad I can provide entertainment, even at my own expense. The way I see it, I am a married father of 3 small children therefore nothing can hurt or offend me!

    Your a cool dude and a class act. Actually asking me if you can include me ahead of time was certainly a class act. Thanks and I hope to provide you with more content as time goes by.

  6. Okay, so I may fire off a good one once, maybe twice, but what about the other 100 tweets of utter inanity? Because you KNOW they exist. You’re funny, I’m funny, we’re all funny – just rarely at the same time.

  7. You’re like Nemo’s dad, Marlin, the clownfish… only funnier. Really. There are times I can be witty, but other times I freeze. My mind becomes sludgy and I just sit there and grin stupidly… getting the jokes, but unable to contribute to the banter. I understand, but I still think YOU’RE witty. πŸ™‚

  8. Reindeer shit is comedy gold. As is alpaca shit and springbok shit. Caribou shit jokes, however, have been played out since 1982. Thanks for the mention.

  9. I’m only witty on twitter. Anything longer than a 140 characters and my brain fizzles. So, wanna trade?

  10. HAHAHA! I do think you are funny! Keep it up, because I need laughter at unexpected moments!

  11. I don’t tweet often because I am not often witty. BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY. Also, I am very, very proud. Also, I am humping the shout-out and am feeling VERY PROUD. Thank you.

  12. My tweet is so lame up there alongside some true greats. Aunt Becky’s made me snort when I first read it.

    But thank you for seeing fit to include me!

  13. i don’t tweet on twitter because i’d come off as a twit to my potential twerps…or something like that…

  14. I beg to differ! The very title of this post is witty. . . πŸ™‚

  15. My new goal is to write something you deem witty enough to post here.

  16. You’re not as bad as you think. I actually have my 3 year old write all my Tweets. I can’t take any credit. Thanks for including me in the fun!

  17. I’m not going to leave a comment for this post! Not even going to try to be witty. No way. Nuh-uh.

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