Meat is the New Bread

Indifference may not wreck a man’s life at any one turn, but it will destroy him with a kind of dry-rot in the long run.

~ Bliss Carman

I awoke this morning with a couple lists in my head, tentatively hashed out the evening prior over a Blooming Onion at Outback while having dinner with my wife. Crammed with tasks bifurcated under the headings arduous and mundane, these itemized responsibilities turned on me, haunted my sleep, teased me like jocks on a playground threatening to jump me after school on my long journey home. Tossing and turning as I prioritized each list, I valiantly fought back, hunting for subtle threads that could be used to weave each chore together into a grand masterpiece of proficiency and productivity.

Plan your work. Work your plan.

Whatever! As of this late-night writing, I accomplished nothing on either list.

I did however . . .

1. Drive my daughter and a neighbor kid to school early for choir practice.

2. Have a catch with my son.

3. Watch 30 Rock. The entire first season.

I know. I’m so yesterday. But, by the hammer of Thor, I swear I haven’t laughed that much in one day in a very long time. On what other show can a moronic, washed-up actor glean an analogy for a transitive binary relation by astutely noticing who-beat-who-beat-who in a game of Halo?

My lists can wait until Tuesday morning. While I tackle them, here are a couple of lists for you . . .

1. Megan Fox

2. Melissa Rycroft

3. Tina Fey

Or . . .

1. Brad Pitt

2. Ty Pennington

3. Brian Williams

Pick your list and play some “Marry, Boff, Kill” in the comments.  (Clicking on the link takes to you a clip of the show where the writers play the game, but first you have to endure a little ad from Comcast, so please be patient . . . )  This should be very interesting. And possibly distracting . . .

[photo credit]


15 thoughts on “Meat is the New Bread

  1. Okay, okay, I got it:

    1. kill Ty Pennington
    2. boff Brad Pitt
    3. marry Brian Williams. Love that guy.

  2. LOL – My answers are the same as Rassles’. Exactly the same. Ty Pennington needs to GO.

  3. How pitifully out of the loop of reality am I that I don’t know half of the list??!!

    Can I kill Dora and her annoying cousin Diego?

    1. And how about that Swiper . . . I’d like to throw him and Barney in a van and drive it over a cliff . . .

  4. don’t even get me started on ty pennington.
    extra blech.

    and for heaven’s sake, that hair! gah!

  5. Watching 30 rock is never a waste of time – Tina is my idol! All others mean nothing. Lists mean nothing. Life means nothing without my DVRed episode of 30 Rock every week.

    I still say Tina was a better Sarah Palin than the original – and she can write her own speeches people!

  6. …And apparently wordpress doesn’t want to let me comment – it ate what i said, dammit!
    Sum up: Tina Fey is god, Tina should run for president, not that girl she used to pretend to be. 30 Rock should never be missed, by anyone.

    1. Nah. It just had to chew on it a bit . . . nasty WP!

  7. Boff Ty
    Kill Brad
    Marry Brian

    BTW–Megan Fox is my friend’s cousin. Put that in your six degrees of separation pipe and smoke it!

    1. Reading what has gone before, you are a brave soul for wanting to boff Ty.

      Speaking of Ty, my son, whose name is Ty, would like to arrange a meet-n-greet with Megan . . . if you have a moment to arrange that, that’d be great . . .

  8. what is “Blooming Onion at Outback”?

    1. Being from that really big island south of the equator, you’d be embarrassed if I told you . . .

      It’s an Aussie-style restaurant called the Outback Steakhouse, and their signature appetizer is a big, sweet onion, sliced petal-style, and served with a kick ass dipping sauce. It’s called the Blooming Onion.

      On second thought, maybe you won’t be too embarrassed. Is the cuisine so authentic to Australia that it can be messed up stateside, say like Chinese or Thai food? Perhaps . . .

      I’m going to edit the post and add some linkage . . .

  9. O.K. I get Outback, but, I haven’t seen 30 Rock. So, rent it I should?

  10. I’d like to Marry Boff Kill regardless of gender because I found the guys too easy. So to speak. Additionally, this is completely theoretical. In practical application I would not marry boff or kill anyone of these people.

    Well, except for Ty.

    Tina Fey
    Brian Williams ( I had to look 2ce, at first I thought you wrote “Brian Wilson”)

    Melissa Rycroft
    Brad Pitt (unwillingly I might add. It was a close tie killing him or Ty)

    Megan Fox
    Ty Pennington

    Although now that I think about it, I COULD marry Ty instead. He could build me a house and then we could have an amicable divorce. Oh decisions, decisions.

    I’m all for offing Boots and Backpack too. But I rather like the map. The map the map the map the map the map.

  11. I had a look at the menu and there’s nothing quintessentially Australian about it. the food looks good in the pictures but it could be food from anywhere in the world.

    have never seen Blooming Onion on a menu in Sydney

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