Let’s get this over with, shall we? So I can move on.
See, I’ve been brooding over what to write for my 100th post for far too long. I considered a Cliff Notes sort of retrospective where I link to all my favorite posts. But I have always despised those types of era-ending pontifications. So I entertained the idea of a post where I finally come clean regarding certain personal yet vitally important life-altering beliefs. Like faith and God and stuff. You know, something über-philosophical and erudite. Nah. Just not in the mood at this point.
One hundred posts is quite an achievement for many of us bloggers. Especially for those who take this thing seriously. Many of you Tweakers reached his particular summit long ago, while others are still making the climb. Each excellent-charming-witty post like a piton pounded home deep in the rock of the blogosphere. I’m told this is a time to stop and reflect on what lies before. And what changes lie ahead. I’ve done enough of that recently, so I’ll spare you here.
So this is what you get.
and I don’t even know who they are. I found them on Google Blog Search. So it must be the cool thing to do. And I’m all about being cool. However, being a huge fan of Casey Kasem, and because I possess a rather iridescent rebellious streak, I’m going in reverse order. Working our way to #1. Let’s have at it . . . and there’s a prize waiting at the end, so no skimming dammit!
100. My favorite word is absquatulate.
99. I first came across the word in Thomas Pynchon’s Against the Day.
98. I never finished it.
97. I mean, co’mon, it’s like over 1100 pages long!
96. I did, however, manage to finish Don Quixote.
95. And Moby Dick.
94. And The Brothers Karamazov.
93. But not The Satanic Verses.
92. And I really want to.
91. Someday . . .
90. I use that word a lot. Someday . . .
89. . . . I’ll get a short story published.
88. . . . I really will graduate from college.
87. . . . we will have enough dough left over to get a new gaming console.
86 . . . . or an HDTV.
85. . . . or cable.
84. We still use rabbit ears.
83. Connected to those nifty little digital converters.
82. The reception still sucks because we live in the boonies of NE Indiana.
81. Corn? No problem.
80. FOX? Nope.
79. I’m not really bummed out about that.
78. Although my wife has to unplug the thing to get American Idol.
77. I thought Bo Bice should have won.
76. Haven’t watched it since.
75. I’m ¼ of the way done with this list.
74. I was born in Kansas City, Missouri.
73. A long time ago.
72. I moved seventeen times before graduating from high school.
71. Dad had one of those jobs where they liked to relocate you occasionally.
69. I learned to hate cardboard boxes.
68. I used to be a really big fat guy.
67. In this picture I weighed 385 pounds.
66. Then I had an open Roux-en-Y.
65. Permanent weight loss surgery.
64. That was over six years ago . . .
63. . . . down at the Bariatric Weight Loss Center of Excellence at St. Vincent Carmel Hospital.
62. I now weigh 180 or so.
61. Most days I feel like a million bucks.
60. Although now I have a difficult time floating when I go swimming.
59. And I used to be so buoyant!
58. My second favorite word is palimpsest.
57. I love the way it rolls around on the tongue.
56. And how it describes my life.
55. Written upon.
52. With shadows of the old remaining.
51. It’s mind-blowing, really.
50. Half way there . . .
49. I kick ass at Guitar Hero.
48. But only on medium difficulty.
47. These arthritic and uncoordinated fingers just can’t manage that orange fret.
46. I’m uncomfortable talking to children between the ages of 2 and 17.
45. I’m lying.
44. I stole that one from Erika.
43. And, since all four of my kids fall in that age range, I imagine she’d have a helluva time around my place.
41. I’ve never met anyone really famous.
40. Although in my southern gospel radio days I did interview Vestal Goodman.
39. She was a sweetie.
38. She called me “Sugar” about 27 times.
37. When I first started dating my wife, I impressed her by shoving pizza up my nose.
36. Yeah. She still digs me.
35. My first full-time job was at McDonald’s.
34. I made the best damn biscuits on the south side!
33. People came from miles around . . .
31. I’m generally uncomfortable in large crowds.
30. Though, being skinny now, I don’t stand out as much.
29. I sink into the anonymity my normal look affords me.
28. When I speak, I am quiet.
27. People often say, “What?”
26. I just don’t like being the showman anymore.
25. Only 24 to go . . .
24. I began The Cheek of God in February of 2008.
23. I’ve had over 8,000 views and people have left over 600 comments.
22. Some of you are regular readers.
21. Tweakers, as I like to call you.
20. You are some of the coolest people on the planet.
19. Running this blog is a bit like hosting a huge party where only one’s best friends are invited.
18. Ideas circulate.
16. And bonds are forged.
15. I love you guys.
14. My God! With only 13 left I now find myself in the strange position of having to pick and choose.
13. And I hate making decision.
12. What juicy piece of information should I leave you with?
11. What nugget of wisdom and insight?
10. Last night, for the first time ever (believe it or not) one of my kids walked in while the wife and I were . . . um . . . you know.
9. First. Time. Ever!
8. Talk about a mood-buster . . .
7. We laughed about it, once all the high-decibel shooing and frantic blanket-grabbing was over.
6. But . . .
5. Now what?
4. How does one deal with this sort of thing.
3. I suppose some sort of conversation is in order.
2. Or do you just let something like that slide?
1. Ah, the joys and struggles of being me.
Life is exciting!
I promised a prize. You deserve it if you made it this far. How about a $20.00 gift card to Barnes & Noble? Usable online if you prefer. Just leave a comment sharing one obscure thing about yourself and your name will go in a hat. (Immediate family members are ineligible; you guys get books all the time!) On Sunday morning, when I finally drag my carcass out of bed, I’ll have my youngest daughter draw a name. Completely random-like.
The gift of reading. In honor of my 100th post. I dig that idea . . .