The Cheek of God

The Boot or: How We Got Kicked Out of the Mall for Hugging People for Free

Brian — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 09:45:58 +0000

My religion is simple. My religion is kindness.

~ The Dalai Lama (1935 – )

There is the older lady, arms overloaded with packages and wearing a determined gaze, who stopped, cocked her head and smiled, sat down her bags and wrapped her arms around me.

There is the little child, wrapped in fluffy red and white, who hugged my son’s girlfriend tightly around her neck as she stooped to meet him at his level.

There are the two burly teenagers, with the stocking caps pulled low and smartphones held high, snapping pictures, who gave my youngest son such big hugs that they lifted him off the ground, laughing all the way.

These, and others, to varying degrees, will remember what we did.

I laid down the basics before we went in:

We do not represent any organization. We do not to ask for anything or approach anybody. We just hold up our signs offering “Free Hugs” and let the people come to us.

We hug and smile.

And later, we write a letter to the editor . . .

Thank you, Glenbrook Square Mall, for showing us the door.

My family and I had wanted to spread some holiday cheer, so we made some “Free Hugs” signs, gathered around the mall fountain, and hugged a bunch of smiling people. For about ten minutes.

Then Local Law Enforcement told us to leave. Said we were “soliciting” and that the only thing the mall allowed on their private property was “shopping and eating.”

Me and my family? We represented no group. No religious organization or philanthropic endeavor other than the obvious one – kindness toward humanity. We asked for no money, nor did we pass out any literature.

True, we didn’t ask for permission, figuring forgiveness might come easier. We didn’t push hugs on anyone. Just held up our signs and let the people come.

And they came. We spread kindness. And got the boot.

I had hoped to teach a lesson, about compassion, giving instead of getting, kindness and all that. Instead, we learned a lesson about the boot, and how it hurts most those whose hearts are (still) filled with the true spirit of the season . . .

[Flickr photo is by Lin Pernille Photography and is protected]

Filed under: family, holidays

One Thing or: My Son Turns Eighteen Today and All I Got Him Was This Stupid Blog Post

Brian — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 09:37:40 +0000

I really don’t think life is about the I-could-have-beens. Life is only about the I-tried-to-do. I don’t mind the failure but I can’t imagine that I’d forgive myself if I didn’t try.

~ Nikki Giovanni

I’ve been thinking about this post for several days. In fact, I could probably say with some accuracy that I’ve been thinking about this day for most of my life.

Your life anyway.

You turn eighteen today. Eighteen years.

It can also be said with some accuracy that I have no clue what to say. For a better writer, a post like this would be a snap. They would come up with the most eloquent things to say, and they would say them well.

I just can’t get past the fact that you’re my beautiful boy. Mom and I waited for you like we’ve waited for nothing else. The day you got your license? The day you told us about that special girl? The day you lost your first tooth or learned to ride a bike? All big days, for sure, but nothing compares to the day you were born. That snowy day in Fargo, surrounded by what seemed like every nurse, doctor, and immediate family member on the planet, and yet the way it was just you there in the end, when they left or went out to eat or shovel their way out, and I held you and couldn’t say anything at all.

Nothing.

You overwhelm me.

This morning, as I did on that day, I watched you sleep. All that hair. And those features that so remind me of your mother every time I look at you. Moments at your bedside, just watching you sleep, are the best moments of my life.

I realize just this morning that this fact might creep you out. Sorry.

A better writer would have planned this post in advance and taken time to write it. Wouldn’t have been in a hurry, or this disorganized. But I have to leave for work in twenty minutes. Once you figure in how I still have to clean it up, add some tags, hit publish, post it on your Facebook page, give your mother a sleepy kiss, and then actually get in the car and go, I am a bit pressed for time. So I will leave you with these few and simple words of advice, as my gift to you . . .

1) Stop plucking your unibrow. I have one. And if people don’t like it, fuck ‘em.

2) When you roll the dice, keep them on the table.

3) Talk more. You say the most interesting things.

4) Be flexible. Tomorrow won’t look exactly like today.

5) Don’t let the bastards grind you down.

6) While I’m quoting Bono, I’ll also add, “Choose your enemies carefully . . . they’re gonna last with you longer than your friends.”

7) Don’t quote rock stars all the time. You’ll sound pretentious and unoriginal.

8) For the love of God and Garl Glittergold, never stop laughing at yourself.

9) Gnomes rule.

And finally . . .

I know it’s hard to believe, but that’s really all I’ve got. All these years of me pontificating and meddling in your life, and on this day, I give you “one thing.”

You’ve been a part of my one thing for eighteen years. A red-headed, t-ball playing, adventure-seeking, thrill-a-minute part of life that, as your great-grandmother always said, I wouldn’t take a farm in Texas for.

One day, maybe I’ll write something smashingly awesome for you. On your wedding day. Or just before I die. But today, know that I love you. Every thing about you, I love. But mostly, for who you are.

My son . . .

[Flickr photo is by mangpages and is protected]

Filed under: children

The Green Monster or: NaNoWriMo Can Stick It

Brian — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 14:48:54 +0000

Grasp the subject, the words will follow.

~ Cato the Elder (234 BC – 149 BC)

We are eating scones made of all-natural ingredients and drinking hot chocolate, the milk the kind that does not come from cows and costs an arm and a leg for a half gallon.

Chewy and nasty.

And then he introduces me. A local writer and student of his wife’s at the local university. This is his first reading, so let’s welcome him.

Applause.

I sit on a stool that I have to bounce on the balls of my feet just a smidge to mount, and notice I am surrounded by a string of lights and hanging ornaments, ecumenical and bland. December, 2004. The young lady who read before me chose to stand off to the side, but I need to podium; I like to emote with my hands.

I read from the first short story I wrote for Mary Ann, W301 – Writing Fiction, titled, interestingly, “The Cheek of God” . . .

Those who come to the area for horseback riding or camping can no doubt see the smoke from my fires but no one braves the terrain or ventures close enough to investigate.

The soothing sounds of winter are interrupted by the distant chewing and spitting of chainsaws blowing north from the less protected areas of the forest as some cheerful family drags O Tannenbaum from the edge of the tree line, their voices ringing with joy as they tie it with string to the roof of their minivan.

Very few times has anyone come within eyesight, their bright catalogue clothing contrasting sharply against this viridian curtain surrounding them. I watch from the confines of my cave, my breathing shallow as they struggle along the distant horizon and then disappear. I imagined them thinking to themselves how on earth did I get here just before turning back toward Weatherford Trail leading them safely back to their soft suburban existence.

Mine was a simple choice, and no one defies the grieving. Emma floated away wearing a superimposed smile. It never fades but instead grows more vibrant and charming with each remembrance.

Two thousand words inspired by a news article I had read about a man found living in the woods. He wouldn’t talk about why, just packed his stuff and moved on. So I speculated, and wrote, and it came to me in an evening.

The thing that stumps me every year during NaNoWriMo is trying to do that every night, for a month, with no real plan. I can’t do plans. I have an idea, something that would be interesting to write about, and so I write. Only, 50,000 words is a lot of words, and the story in my head doesn’t have legs like that. I sprint. Endurance is not my thing.

Not that I haven’t gotten down some interesting stuff. Like back in 2009, when I hit 20,773 words about a guy who wanted to kill himself but could never shut up long enough to actually pull the trigger. Or this year, when I tried to write a YA fantasy/sci-fi sort of thing and came up with this . . .

Consider the soul.

No, seriously. Go. I have nothing but time. I’ll wait right here. So . . . GO!

(While you are doing that, I’ll spruce this place up a bit. Perhaps a splash of burgundy over the sofa. I’m growing weary of the green, which constantly brings to mind a twenty ounce Mountain Dew. I used to love Mountain Dew. I’d unscrew the lid off one about every meal. And the thing about Mountain Dew is that it is just as tasty whether you drink it cold, right out of the fridge, or at a more pleasant variety of room temperature. Something in the 60s. Fahrenheit. Which reminds me of one of my favorite books. Fahrenheit 451 by the incomparable Ray Bradbury. I had heard once that some big shots were thinking of making a movie out of that one. A movie for us modern folk, unlike that one from the 60s that starred Oskar Werner as Guy Montag. Who the hell is Oskar Werner?! Now I’m just getting angry . . . )

You’re back. So soon. Ahem. So, what did you think about.

Never mind. Stop right there. Because you’re wrong.

Something wholly indefinable and altogether wrong popped into your mind as soon as you set it loose. “The . . . soul?” You didn’t even prod your proverbial horse out of the proverbial gate, I imagine.

If you gave it a bit of a kick, you might have entertained notions of spirits or maybe even ghosts. (They are different, you know.)

Or perhaps some philosophical hogwash, such as Plato’s logos/thymos/eros trifecta, or the mind/body nonsense epitomized in Cartesian dualism.

Or maybe it was that old saw religion which reared its ugly head. Did you allow your certainties to show? Were you all set to preach to me about the soul as the seat of morality, and hence the motivation for right action when fed properly by a Spirit carried forth triumphantly upon a frequency transmitted from Heaven?

Or perhaps you embrace the eastern traditions and recognize your soul to be but Atman, your own individual slice of the majestic and faceless Brahman pie.

Or maybe you are hardened of heart. You don’t speak of a soul, for you have yet to truly taste of anything worthy of the name. For you, a soul is what most people lack, going about their days trampling each other underfoot and smiling empty smiles in the process.

These are but the highlights of a long list I could spell out for you. And they are all wrong.

I like this story, but how long can there be just this going on and on about stuff and nothing happening?! I tried to take the advice of others: just write and it will come; blow something up; create tension; blah, blah, blah.

And after this, my third attempt and my third failure, I have gleaned this: every time I try this thing called NaNoWriMo, I end up with a bunch of little snippets, each nearly exactly 1,667 words long, of really cool stories all jumbled together in one big Word document. I like my subjects, but they are small. The words come, but they are fewer than what is required.

One of my favorite writers is Andre Dubus. Somewhere deep in my creative mind, I want to be Andre Dubus. I don’t want to write long-form fiction. I want to stick with simple stories about real people with real problems and not be tied to a word count minimum that looks like that big green fence in left field in Boston, all the way out there and unreachable.

Or maybe I’m just an idealistic quitter . . .

[Flickr photo is by sidewalk flying and is protected]

Filed under: memoir, writing life

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Pity Party

Brian — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 13:10:17 +0000

Never forget that life can only be nobly inspired and rightly lived if you take it bravely and gallantly, as a splendid adventure in which you are setting out into an unknown country, to meet many a joy, to find many a comrade, to win and lose many a battle.

~ Annie Besant

So, there I was. Being all boo-hoo and woe-is-me. Some of you saw what I was trying to get at and came alongside. Others of you called bullshit. Maybe not here, to my face. But you did it just the same.

And then there was Lisa. A comrade! A fellow traveler of this lonely road. Her comment on that post took my breath away. How common is it to find a first-time reader who leaves such thoughtful, engaging and empathetic words?

My other first thought? Great. Another online companion. Someone with whom I could break the real-life bread of fellowship if only miles and miles didn’t separate us.

Don’t hear that wrong. Please. I have many friends that I’ve never met who rock my world. We chat on the effbooks. We exchange emails and Christmas cards. You start Spotify playlists for me. We get along swimmingly, and I count you as part of a growing list of people I call friends. And not because Mark Zuckerberg gave me permission to do so. In fact, I choose not to use the word “virtual” for you are a real person, with blood and bile and brains that house a tender soul.

And so I naturally wondered if perhaps Lisa was one such online friend and I failed to make the connections. Only, to my great surprise, it wasn’t just any Lisa. It was Danira! She of the Big Fucking Sword! The Yin to my Yang! The Gwyneth Paltrow to my Jack Black!

With whom I’ve spent glorious months riding a boat and thwarting the best-laid plans of pirates and leviathans alike. With whom I’ve ridden horseback upon the winter-ravaged planes of western Immoren stoking the fires of giant war machines. She who saved my ass in a tavern once, and fought valiantly against an undead librarian while I waited in the hallway perusing books about the restorative-yet-hallucinogenic properties of hooaga leaves.

Dexter Duchovic’s long-lost love had sent a flare over my wreck and rescued me.

We ended up chatting for an hour or so and then agreed to meet up with our respective SOs for coffee before the holidays run out. And the best part? She’s relocating from the impossibly faraway north side of town down to my neck of the woods, as the crow flies. Where her woman-cave awaits, with a mini-fridge and a real table and folding chairs, and possibly a couch for when we get tired and need to crash for a few minutes. And shelf after shelf of books for mining and tweaking. And her maniacal cackle as she initiates, upon some stupid adventuring decision, like choosing to lift the lid off some not-so-random and yet completely out-of-place toilet, that rite of all great Dungeon Masters – the Total Party Kill.

Lisa and I, we did what friends do. To borrow and turn an old phrase, we played ping pong over the abyss of our sorrows. We laughed amidst the pain. And we agreed to make it through together . . .

[Flickr photo is by abdul / yunir and is protected]

Filed under: friends, roleplaying

Black Friday

Brian — Sat, 26 Nov 2011 13:29:00 +0000

I want to be with those who know secret things or else alone.

~ Rainer Marie Rilke

Because I despise shopping, and crowds, and I’m broke, I spent most of my day at home yesterday, scouring, as my friend Pamela calls it, “the effbooks.” Post after post spoke of Thanksgivings surrounded by family and friends, and there seemed to be no end to mobile uploads of pictures filled with smiling faces. Happy people with other happy people who make them happy. So much happy.

Back in the early 90s, I too had friends like that. Fargo, North Dakota. Newlyweds. Jobs and nicer cars and babies on the way. Four couples as tight as though we had a rubber band stretched around us. We did dinner for no reason at all. Grilled meat. Drank pop from two liters that Mark always had to squeeze before putting the lid back on to keep the fizz in. Talked about stuff big and small and stupid and laughed and cried occasionally. And sometimes did nothing at all. Happy.

And then we packed up that big truck and moved away.

Maybe if we’d had the effbooks back then things would be different. We wouldn’t have fallen so far behind or grown older along such tangential paths. We have the effbooks now, sure, but too much has come and gone. I see pictures of their beautiful daughter – who I once held in my arms, rocked gently to sleep – as a senior in ballet slippers, and I don’t know her. Or them. We were in Fargo last fall. I made a phone call or four, hoping for a reunion of sorts, a chance for some happy amidst all the sad, a sign that things hadn’t really gotten that bad, or that the gap wasn’t really all that wide, between us. But people get busy. Have to live their lives, distractions be damned. Even as the effbooks told a different story. Sometimes lies are better; it hurts more seeing the truth.

All these years and there have been other friendships, but none like those. Where secrets are known and they don’t matter. No masks that make us look successful or put together well or on top of things. No smiles that aren’t sincere. No superimposed agenda or pending deadline. Back before trivial things became so unimportant and everything had to weigh thousands and thousands of pounds.

So I took the girls ice skating and made meatloaf and watched a scary movie and played around on the effbooks and started an argument on the effbooks and got teased about how I use . . . too much. I hung out with my one true friend and the mother of my children. The one who knows me best and most and refuses to leave me because, well, she just doesn’t do that. I push and she absorbs and we live and love and I have her when I have nothing else.

So I know she’ll understand when I admit that I’m still sometimes very lonely . . .

[Flickr photo is by glennharper and is protected]

Filed under: friends