It’s Just a Game! – An Impromptu Guest Post

by Brian

If you must play, decide on three things at the start: the rules of the game, the stakes, and the quitting time.

~ Chinese Proverb

Since I’ve been in a confessional mood lately, here’s a little nugget that may surprise you:

I’m lazy.

Too lazy to sit down for even a few quiet moments and write a blog post for this here space of ours. Oh, I’ve got ideas aplenty. Just none that have gelled into anything resembling coherence and poignancy.

Shocking, I know.

So, as it has been as of late, it’s Twitter to the rescue!

That’s by Twitterbuddy @bubblewench. Known in her human form as Shannon. Her tweets about random nonsense are the highlights of my otherwise routine days. If I need a chuckle, she provides. And there she sat, bored to tears. So I made a proposal: How about writing a blog post for me!

Yes, I’ve resorted to outsourcing The Cheek. But just for today, I promise. Until the next time, I pinky swear.

So, my preface at an end, I present Shannon and her burning question for sports lovers everywhere . . .

I’m not an ‘on demand’ blogger. And I’m definitely NOT a writer like Brian is. Trust me. He can put sentences together like no ones business! Me, I’m a rambler, not a writer. But yet, here I am. Why the heck not is what I figured.

Since this is a guy’s blog, I’m going to talk sports. Specifically WTH is wrong with you guys and your stupid sports??

I guess I ponder this regularly because my husband, Scott, is a sports freak. I mean freak-of-nature type sports freak. I know he’s not the only one out there, so that’s why I’m tackling this topic.

Let’s see if I can work this seasonally…  Starting with now, the end of Hockey season.

Hockey is in the playoffs. It’s the Flyers vs. Blackhawks. Scott & I are both homegrown PA, right outside of Philly. I left PA for 11 years and lived in Oregon, but being a Philly girl at heart, I’ve always been a Philly sports fan. (Even though I still think of OR as home.)

I used to enjoy hockey. Not anymore. I married a man with a Flyers tattoo on his arm. One he’s had for several years. Many years. He also has a cat named Flyer.

God forbid he miss one game. God forbid he not watch the games LIVE. Can’t record them and watch them later. God forbid we have plans and a game is on! I had to cancel dinner plans for this weekend cause of the 8pm Sat. game.

Then there’s the ‘playoff beard’. Seriously? Why guys? What’s with the crazy facial hair growth thing? I’m living with the Caveman guy from those TV commercials!  At least he’s still putting on deodorant.

The freakouts are insane! The bad ones and the good ones. There is still some shroud of mystery surrounding how the last TV got broken, coincidentally during a Phillies game that they were losing.

What’s with all the yelling, screaming, cursing, banging things around? Seriously? It’s JUST A GAME!

Oh and in the meantime, baseball is starting. I hate baseball. Call me un-American. (I always said I should have been Canadian anyway.) I find it extremely boring and long. Every game gets taped to be watched without commercials.

Thank god for multiple DVR’s and TV’s in our home or I’d go nuts, and never get to see the season finale of Lost! (which as of this moment haven’t seen yet either)

Again with the freak outs! The insanity of watching a game that just makes you angry! Why? WHY? If it gonna piss you off so bad, then don’t watch.

Then we have basketball and football coming up. I can’t stand watching basketball cause of the squeak squeak squeak of the shoes on the boards. Like fingernails on a blackboard to me.

Football on the other hand, I’m a die hard Eagles fan. But again, he’s such a freak I can’t even watch games with him! I make him watch them upstairs.

Let the freakouts continue!!!!

I guess I don’t get it. Maybe it’s a testosterone thing. Or an estrogen thing. I look at sports as games. Games that are played win or lose. It’s not going to run my life or dictate my existence. But there are guys (like Scott) whose whole lives revolve around games.

So I want to know guys, are you a freaker like Scott? If so, why? What is the big deal? I really want to understand this and just don’t!

Sports freaks, do your wives/gfriends/partners a favor. Go take a hot shower, shave and get a freakin haircut.

After all, it’s just a game.

For the record, this may be the first post here at The Cheek specifically about sports. Also for the record . . . Shannon neglected to mention NASCAR. Just what the hell is up with Jimmie Johnson this year?! It’s just a spoiler, dude! It’s not like learning how to drive all over again. You and Chad need to knuckle up a skosh and figure that bad boy out, dammit. NOW! Before I throw something at the TV . . .

Oh! Here’s a picture of Shannon. With an alligator. And bright red fingernail polish. She’s badass, I tell ya . . .

[Flickr photo is by mathplourde and is protected]